I am at a point in my life that I have waited for since I was a kid. I dreamed about it when I was little, I always wanted to go to school, get a job, get married, have kids…in that order. But now that I am on the verge of graduating and starting my career, the fact that I don’t have a significant other to share it with is eating at me. All my other friends are dating, whether it be long or short term, they have someone to talk to when things go bad…Me on the other hand, I am alone. Don’t get me wrong I have an amazing family, some great friends, and irreplaceable support system that I would do anything for but…what I would give to have someone to listen to me, to love me, to care for me…in a way that no one ever has. I thought that by now I would be in a serious, committed relationship, that Mr. Right would have shown his face by now. Instead I am bogged down by Mr. Wrong…or more like Mr. I Care About You But I Am Not Ready…then there is Mr. I Love You But…then there is Mr. I Just Met You And You Seem Cool But Where Do We Go From Here…I know people say love comes when you least expect it, but for some reason I feel as though my situation is different. I feel like I am not going to ever meet Mr. Right. I can’t really even explain why. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t NEED a man, I am perfectly fine with being independent. I pride myself on that. The thing is I don’t wanna be in this thing alone. Just a thought…
That moment when you want to say so much, but it doesnt come out right. You start the sentence, but you stutter. You forget what you were going to say. That moment when your heart melts and you want to beleive everything that you are hearing but your mind is telling you to chill..Take it all in..and breathe.
My friend is obsessed with Jackie O. I always wondered why…but now I think I do. Look at her. Strong, smart, and beautiful. Her style—amazing.
The thing is no matter what I do, where I go, or who I am with all I do is think of the past, the present…and especially the future. What’s going to happen? Who will it be with? Why hasn’t it happened yet? What am I doing wrong? Will things get better? The thing is everyone thinks I have it all figured out…but I don’t, never have. The thing is that my biggest fears, my worst nightmares, my inhibitions…they have a hold of me and idk what to do. Idk where to go…the thing is…
I used to smile. I used to laugh. I used to think of you, always.
I used to…You used to…We used to…
We used to..be.
No matter how much you care about people. No matter how much you try to prove to them. No matter how long you pour your heart out to them. No matter how long you have known them. The funny thing is no matter how much you may put into it…the odds of you getting it back are slim to none, so when you give it out, be prepared to lose it.
